DC has introduced some new (to me) safety alerts that play while you are waiting in a station for your train.

There’s the usual “If you see any unattended bags or suspicious behavior, please report it,” which is nothing strange. Then there is some bizarre recording comparing escalators to alligators. DCist has the text version here:

“You wouldn’t know by looking at it, but an escalator — like an alligator — can do some pretty serious damage to whatever gets in its way. Without warning. Without mercy. So don’t be fooled by an escalator’s mild-mannered appearance.”

I believe the audio recording ends with “We would hate for anyone to get hurt,” which just sounds like it came straight out of The Godfather.

My favorite, though, has to do with the “safe” trash cans installed in stations: “You have nothing to fear by putting your trash where it belongs.”

Do they sign off on this stuff before it goes live or is it all the work of a disgruntled, underpaid intern? Could their messages be any more ridiculous?

I guess WMATA could hire someone to perform sound poetry. I might prefer that.