Soap opera recap writer.

All My Children:

Annie is amazed over Ryan’s insistence that he would risk perjuring himself instead of ever testifying against Zach. Ryan and Annie don’t see eye to eye where Greenlee is concerned as Annie admits she empathizes with her plight. Ryan and Annie’s argument ends unresolved. Annie wonders if she and Ryan will ever get the chance to be happy. Josh consoles Greenlee and unwittingly gives her a new idea as to how she can get what she wants. Adam and JR snipe at each other. JR and Amanda meet with foul play when they go clubbing in Philadelphia. Colby and Sean each decide to go to the prom solo. Sean tries to make inroads with Colby as he apologizes to her. A scheming Ava sets Sean up for a fall. Ava seeks out Di at Wildwind. Aidan and Di are surprised when Jonathan jumps to Ava’s defense. Ava can’t deal with Jonathan’s faith in her and beats a hasty exit. Jamie finds Julia’s home pregnancy test kit and thinks it belongs to Di. Julia gets quite an earful when she questions Jamie how he’d react if he were in Aidan’s shoes.

One Life to Live:

Bo, John, Cristian and the rescue team work feverishly to clear a path into the severely bomb damaged operating room. Meanwhile, Michael talks a nervous Nash through closing and suturing Antonio’s incision. Nash hits a setback when Antonio begins bleeding but gets the situation under control with Michael’s guidance. Everyone is greatly relieved when Bo, John and Cristian make it into the room and Michael takes over for Nash. Antonio is moved to another operating room but Nash has clearly saved his life. Nash is reunited with Jessica, who is grateful to learn what he did for Antonio. Carlotta brinks tears of joy when Cristian gives her and Adriana the good news about Antonio. Rex drowns his sorrows with Roxy at Rodi’s, where they encounter Kirk. Rex’s gut tells him that Kirk is hiding something. Rex goes to the hospital but leaves without making his presence known when he sees Adriana in Tate’s arms. Marty is forced to make the decision of her life when Miles presses her to marry him or suffer the consequences. (Thank you, ABC.)

There’s something compelling, in a trainwreck sort of way, about these short paragraphs. I bolded my favorite parts. You have to wonder about the poor intern who writes ten of these a day, and if he or she is still in possession of an IQ higher than that of a rutabaga.